When I was a little girl I wrote on a slip of paper, “When I grow up I want to be a writer or a dancer.” I know this because a relative of mine saved it all these years. Written in extra large letters, it was less of a wish and more of a declaration.

I am a water sign, born in autumn of 1985. Last week, to celebrate my birthday, a friend of many years accompanied me to a hot spring in the woods east of Eugene. We tried to get as close to the source as possible (literally and figuratively), tended to our senses, and bathed in the forest together. As with most my birthdays there was a delicate balancing act going on inside me—was my birthday meaningful or meaningless? (Is there such a thing as a meaningless day?) Ever the meaning-seeker, I leaned into the moments that felt extra special: a barista penning “whole” on my golden spice latte order (in case I’d forgotten), a bill totaling my exact angel number, cold raindrops on my bareface, the earthy-eggy scent of natural mineral water, a park ranger telling me “Don’t listen to what they say about forty, you’ve still got plenty of time and lots of living ahead of you,” and feeling like he really meant it; then, when I got home, finding an itty bitty perfectly formed diamond (fake, obviously) stuck in the mud in the crevasse of my hiking shoe. I held it up to the sunlight and thought it must be a gift from Dad.

Despite my best efforts not to, I found myself reflecting on my life’s trajectory on my birthday. Taking stock. Thinking of that note of mine, the one I’d penned as a child, I have just one edit for little girl me: Don’t be a writer, be writing. Don’t be a dancer, be dancing.

Perhaps with that shift in perspective, I can feel good about where I’m at today. I write, creatively mostly, professionally some. And I recently took up a Dance Fitness class at my local gym. (I’m loving it!) Maybe I am living the life I once dreamed of. I must be, only it’s slightly off-center. Something like it. Close enough. As the tides keep changing and the pages keep turning, I hope to remember that I am the author of my journey. And always remember to be writing, and be dancing. And, all we really came here to earth school to do: be loving.