Here’s the thing: I’ll let it all out, tell the world and no one will care. It will be the same as before I let it all out. No one will care. Enough. People may care enough to fix me dinner, buy me a coffee, buy the book, write a review, maybe send a letter. But no one will find me a good therapist or marry me. No one will give me a child.
But after I put it all out there…I’ll have no reason to kill myself any longer. I won’t be harboring resentment, guilt or secrets of any kind.
What a fucking idiot.
The stories will be released and I will no longer be poisoned. I can move on. Forgive as they say.
And to top it all off–my stories will be first world problems. I let that off my chest? Please. And for what?
For one more reason to put one foot in front of the other that’s for what.
I’ve always been in danger. Foolish.
I just now checked out a fifteen year old girl (probably) in a mini skirt. I’m sick and I keep telling you about it.
Foolish.
I’m letting go of the truth. Giving it to you. And moving on to make more sick memories.
Twisted. First world style.
MAMA BIRD 
While I knew that nobody would be interested in what I wrote, I had to write it. To finally bear witness to the unspeakable. These things happened no matter how long we repressed them (I certainly did). If I had not, I have no doubt many demons would still be imprisoned in that dungeon. Remember: “Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don’t Matter and Those Who Matter Don’t Mind.” – Dr. Seuss
I agree with all of this (including the Dr. Suess quote) and to piggy back on that–isn’t it interesting to read something someone wrote to themselves as a plea–a desperate cry–for some sort of reckoning. Its a way to get into someone’s mind and emotions even more, when the reader is taken out of the equation and it’s a personal conversation happening within the person, the writer, almost like there are two (or more) personalities happening–a person having a conversation with them self.
I’d never really thought of it that way and now I can write not worrying about the audience.
This is a big ah-ha moment for me. Thank you Lea.