A Meditation on Darkness and Resurrection

The problem with our demons
is they are often in disguise,
they are never far from us
and angle

angle is everything

They come at you from
your blind spot when you
were so comfortable and confident the
things had ceased to exist all together
…like they just up and flew away
hitched to some other wildflower
in the wind
but no,

B A M!

there they are
they did not go out
with the New Year
or our Wish Upon a Stars
our golden addictions
(as precious as gold)
our fantasies that
derail reality
obsessions
and
never-gonna-get-its
and poor-mes
past and present

so you fall
down down down
you go from your
pedestal of control

along the way some
handsome character
holding your hand
some glittering
promise of love
and connection

connection
connection
connection
sparks and
sparkles

it’s what we are
after, after all
whether acting
like devils or angels
we just want to be together,
held by others in our experience.

truthfully,
I am equal parts light and dark
I am the underside and the top
I am physically here while
simultaneously someplace else
altogether

I am gloriously beautiful
and devastatingly eroded
in all the wrong places
I try to hone in on my truth
but am a liar-in-the-making

when he pushes I pull
when I commit,
mouths to kiss suddenly
fall from the sky

I am a wannabe wife
and a runaway bride

So I stick to
what’s safe
and simple:

I pull my head
back into my shell
for reflection

I carve out
squares of time
for poetry and planning

I shower in
the dark

I purge

I dress in costume
when alone

I question the benefit
of Himalayan salt lamps
when they’re tucked into
corners cluttered and dusty

I reckon we all want to buy
a little peace sometimes,
but can’t

I travel life through
alleyways, basements, bus
stations and doorways
littered strewn
settled with
homeless
folk

I always have, always will
coalesce with the
underside
of life

but I post-it note happy quotations
on my mirror
I write my D R E A M S
in Sharpie bold
I worry the word
is too vague, too loose
so I adopt vim vitae instead,
Latin for life force

I pep in my step
I boogie in my woogie
every time I fall I bounce
a little higher baby

I stick to what’s safe
and simple:
intuition-following
kindness over coolness
coffee, the single
addiction I can life with

I dance with all my lovers
in the dancehall of my mind
I’ve got my eye on the prize
even if I don’t get it

I question my own authority,
let loose into creation
I take the dirt of my experiences,
spit and make clay of it
I shape of my experiences a bowl
to contain them all

I shrine it and stow it away
I will never forget certain
moments of certain days
I watch my life as if on stage,
a wall-leaning observer,
a sometimes orchestrator,
a container of both chaos and order:
this body, solid
this mind, wandering
this spirit, pulsing
I observe the play of
night and day
I close my
eyes and
I pray

 

6 thoughts on “A Meditation on Darkness and Resurrection

  1. I sure love reading your poems Terah. It;s a feeling of coming into your own house after a day of being whatever it is you have to be to keep the world comfortable with itself, but now you are home and are yourself. I guess I.m not that surprised to find you here. Yours as always, David.

    1. Hi David! I am sorry to hear about your brother. I reread your last letter this morning, there are a lot of good lines in it and you are a talented writer. Also a talented friend to continue gracing me with words to which you get no response. Bless you.

  2. Terah, I have to know. Demons that didn’t go out with the new year. Come at an angle and showering in the dark. Honestly want to know if demons are bothering you. Uhh I think it was also fake identities that flagged my attention. Send me an explanation if they are what I think they are. I just need to know if they are what I think. I’m a demon hunter. I am searching for them. Let me not worry but tell me if I analyzed this poem right. I have answers. You also seem well considering what else you wrote.

  3. Terah I’ve been doing some writing myself. I thought you might think that is cool. But anyway I’m glad the fact that I got concerned about the demons just led you to conclude that I’m silly. I’ll explain what other meaning I analyzed in this poem to a private message. Strange I know, but I honestly search for people dealing with a certain thing that occurs to a certain demographic of people. I love getting to read your writing. How far along are you on the Memoir? Is it still something you are creating? Bless you too Terah.

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