it’s a wee hour of the morning
objects inside my room make noise – two alarm clocks, singing songs at me
i nevermind their request
i shut them up
turn them off

i look to the windows of my studio
fog hovers around the branches of the tall trees out in the yard
i smile
i remember who i am
where i am
my occupation
my love

my love does not know i love him
i remember this as i look out at the fog and the trees
i have been waiting, day after day, month after month for a sign
a sign that says that my heart does not lie, does not deceive

my smile fades
i close my eyes
i need a sign
i drift back to sleep

it is the middle of the day
i have been assisting customers at a pharmacy all morning – part-time, temporary work
to get me by
i have been smiling and noticing the fog hovering around the hills outside the windows of the store

still no sign from my love
but i am certain, absolutely certain that something will happen
my smile fades
am i in his heart too?
am i on his mind day after day?
my smile fades and i cry inside

it is night
my hair is damp
my alarms are set
my smile is up and down
and up and down
i masturbate and think of my love
afterward, i cry