how can i not spoil this?
tell me
help me
you made me a waffle for breakfast
if I thought it might be the last waffle
that you would ever make me
Id carry the thing around on a plate
show it off
I don’t want to eat it
I want to have breakfast at your house
for the rest of my life
don’t make me eat it
coffee to go?
why must we go?
what if I never come back?

by the time she got to him
she was cold
hands nearly frozen
a brand-new abandoned thing
in need of love
merely a child
hoping she looked pretty
wishing she were wearing a bow
a rose
hoping he knows
that its far too late to walk away

ashamed
at just how easily I love him
but why?
when loving him
means holding
his sick mothers hand
listening as her lonely words
fill up
a previously darkened room
why be ashamed
when i am a woman
who will laugh
at his fathers jokes
who will
send his grandmother
a christmas card
why be ashamed
of love
so strong
that i will
lie flat
in a puddle of rain
and let the man take a walk on my back
why be ashamed
of love?

the voice of a man
is something like a lullaby
it sounds moist and heavy
warm
the voice of a man

of course
there are certain men
who have voices i could do without
but for those
whose voices really sing to me

the sound is something like a lullaby
and the thought of you
rocks me to sleep

small children
make me sad
with their full cheeks
glowing skin
sincere smiles

all will fall
and fail
at some point in life
mine did

i could cry
at what im missing these days
oh
the beauty i had
when i was a child
people would say
shes a doll
now
they wouldnt dare
now
im such a bulky heavy
piece of flesh
who wears too much makeup
void long ago
of my genuinity

no no no no no
he calls me and you dont
he lets me kiss his cheek
lets me stroke his throat
you dont
but still it is you that i want
not long ago a man showed at my door in a carriage
really
i said no i will not ride
no no no no
i will ride with you
i will ride with only you
so please
let me kiss your cheek
stroke your throat
you dont

my most recent memory of you
is you playing a mime
acting like a mime
a mime who doesn’t move even once
a mime who had his hands at his side
and i was a dancing fool
dancing ’round you while you stood completely still ’round me
you stood still
i danced
i smiled
you frowned
i wanted to say
stop playing games
mind me, respond to me, mime
i am here and i love you
and you just wont move
instead of saying those things
i danced away
and as soon as i left
you moved

i walk through my front door
just getting home from town
hang my keys on the wall
unzip my jacket
i reach both hands into the pockets of my dirty, purple down jacket
i find a dollar in each pocket
i laugh to myself
i raise my eyebrows cleverly at my cat
that’s funny I say to her
a day of barely scraping by!
pulling my hair out frantically over which bills to pay
a day of returning cans for cash
the bank account low
at the grocery-store I was balking over the dollar and a half cans of tunafish
breaking a sweat over paying fifty-cents per avocado
i was bullied, beaten up by the grocery store
now, at the end of the day
i reach into my pockets and find one dollar
one dollar each pocket!
i’m not sure if I feel rich, or poor
but i am certainly humored
id never before found a dollar a pocket

it’s a wee hour of the morning
objects inside my room make noise – two alarm clocks, singing songs at me
i nevermind their request
i shut them up
turn them off

i look to the windows of my studio
fog hovers around the branches of the tall trees out in the yard
i smile
i remember who i am
where i am
my occupation
my love

my love does not know i love him
i remember this as i look out at the fog and the trees
i have been waiting, day after day, month after month for a sign
a sign that says that my heart does not lie, does not deceive

my smile fades
i close my eyes
i need a sign
i drift back to sleep

it is the middle of the day
i have been assisting customers at a pharmacy all morning – part-time, temporary work
to get me by
i have been smiling and noticing the fog hovering around the hills outside the windows of the store

still no sign from my love
but i am certain, absolutely certain that something will happen
my smile fades
am i in his heart too?
am i on his mind day after day?
my smile fades and i cry inside

it is night
my hair is damp
my alarms are set
my smile is up and down
and up and down
i masturbate and think of my love
afterward, i cry