I want to be on
top of the world
but am unwilling
to climb even a mole hill
I want to grab IT by
the horns,
by the balls
but I’m either
too weak
or too disgusted
I want fame
but I am unwilling
to emerge from this,
dinged and dented, shell
I want Home Sweet Home
without paying a cent
I want love without
getting naked
I want it masked and
mysterious and
practically perfect
I want pleasure
and I want it to roll
and unfold forever
I want truth but I
like fantasy even better
I want respect,
I want it now,
and without having to give it
I want the Earth but I want
Starbucks to-go cups too
…and cars
I want family but not
red and green holidays,
toothaches,
ignorance,
incest,
smelly bathrooms,
ugly toes,
he-said-she-said’s,
why don’t you’s,
chatter-induced headaches
and taking care of Dad…
I want friendship,
health, and happiness
but I refuse to go out
and get it
Tag: Poetry
I Can Smell You
Your words
and gestures
reverberate in
my head
I cannot fathom
how you got in
I locked the
front door
and the back
I let you in for
tea once
or twice
We maybe
went for
biscuits
and gravy
…and has it
been that
long?
You met my
father
We cursed
our mothers
but I locked
that door
before I left
When did you
get in?
I can hear
your words now,
see your gestures
I can smell you now.
Love Me
I just
won’t let you
love me
For months
all you’ve
seen is me
Still I won’t
let you
love me
You’ve proved
yourself a man
beyond belief
Still I won’t
let you
love me
Your hair is fair
your eyes are blue
just like the man
I envisioned to
be you
Still I won’t
let you
love me
You told your
cat grandma
sister dad
I am the prize
the only prize
to be had
Still I won’t
let you
love me
You find me
brilliant
You find me
rare
You’re fine
yourself but
I do not care
Still I won’t
let you
love me
You’ve serenaded
You’ve paid your dues
You’ve worshiped me
while I’ve laughed at you
You’re coming back
You’re wanting more
Your fire hasn’t faded
through it all
Still I won’t
let you
love me
Lover’s season
is almost over
You never even
made me your
lover
I let you touch
me once
I let you touch
me twice
Your touch was
fine
Your touch was
nice
You touched my
toes
You touched my
heart
But you didn’t
violate me enough
from the start
Crazy me
Sick-girl me
You love my
nasty me
Still I won’t
let you
love me
Music Inspiration–When I Can’t Write at Least I Can Listen
Feature O’ The Day (click to listen!): Hopeful by Josh Ritter
Supposedly it was a wise wise man
Who said it’s better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all, never to have loved
How many times does the truth that you take to be true
Is just truth falling apart at the same speed as you
Until it all comes away in a million degrees
And you’re just a few pieces of fallin’ debris
And she’s hopeful
Hopeful
For me
Who said it’s better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all, never to have loved
How many times does the truth that you take to be true
Is just truth falling apart at the same speed as you
Until it all comes away in a million degrees
And you’re just a few pieces of fallin’ debris
And she’s hopeful
Hopeful
For me
I’m coming out of the dark clouds
She went away and she packed all her lovin’
I could not believe it how little there was
I stood in the cold kitchen with nothin’ to say
Who’d keep the whole world spinning when she went away yeah?
She kept telling me about the good things I deserve
That I wanted somebody I’d mistaken for her
But one look in my eyes and she’d know she was wrong
So she wouldn’t look back at me until she was gone
That I wanted somebody I’d mistaken for her
But one look in my eyes and she’d know she was wrong
So she wouldn’t look back at me until she was gone
How many times did you give all your love
And find out it was so far from far from enough?
I followed her out into the street in the rain
And the whole world stopped spinning and just went up in flames
And she’s hopeful
Hopeful
For me
I’m coming out of the dark clouds
She’s hopeful
Hopeful
For me
She says it to me often
The sunlight corroded and the days started to fail
The rocks in the road sharpened shadows to nails
The fencepost were empty and so were the trees
Had the bluebird of use on its last tune for me
I’ve seen her around now with someone new I don’t know
She likes greed-eyed boys who are haloed in hope
But I know the look in his eyes and I know all the old signs
Just a couple more curves before his own road unwinds
These days I’m feelin’ better about the man that I am
There’s some things I can change and there’s others I can’t
I met someone new now I know I deserve
I never met someone who loves the world more than her
She has been through her own share of hard times as well
And she has learned how to tear out the heaven from hell
Most nights I’m alright still all rocks roll down hill
But she says I’ll get better, she knows that I will
And she’s hopeful
Hopeful, for me
I’m coming out of the dark clouds
She’s hopeful
Hopeful
For me
Comin’ out of the dark clouds
Comin’ out of the dark clouds
The word is as the world is
Everybody’s gonna hurt like hells some times
The word is as the world is
Everybody’s gonna hurt like hells some times some times
Reach Out and Grab It
But how?
I do not
see it there
Is it blue?
Is it orange?
Am I hot?
Am I warm?
I did not get
the map nor
the memo
How short?
How high?
Bigger than
a bread box
or a fly?
Do I send for it?
Some say don’t try
Who has it?
Do you have it?
Gotta work hard
before you die
Off to a Good Start
I’m desperate
and rainy
Has my well
ever been so
empty or so
full?
My life
is a laughcry
I think it over
far too often
I’ve created a
drama out of a
mundane,
ordinary
life
simple, at best
What will it take
to complete me?
Not a man,
Surely not
a man.
Surely,
surely
not a
man.
Cowboy
He brought with him
in the fall sixteen mare
He was no longer a
whisper in the wind
and so much more
than a warm body
at the dinner table
She had married
another in his absence
and she knew all along
it was a foolish foolish
mistake and we all knew
she was a fool indeed
It took him a decade to
blow off his steam, the
wild one that he is
Twelve years later and
she still wonders where
his wheelchair might take
him, and when.
The ex husband has long
rotted and her children
were never loved
But the cowboy
the cowboy has
her heart.
Roads
The daisies are browning
Soon they’ll be dead from here
to the coast and summer will close.
Golden were the trees lining
the country roads today
I drove hundreds of miles
’round bends and over creeks
and never the way they told me
was the quickest. I took a wrong turn
and it lead to the heavens
I found my way back down again.
I took both hands off the wheel and
stuck them high over my head when
my car and the road were good and
steady. I sang Somewhere Over the
Rainbow with Tori Amos and I thought
of death and I thought of you.
Which to Choose
Coupledom
is messy
not always pretty
embarrassing, drippy
cavernous and brave
Singlehood
is a lie
it ignores the truth
it is always begging
it is masked and make-up’d
a full-time fantasy
From Pain to Joy
Let it rain pain
Whether daybreak or night fall
let your feelings shatter upon themselves
Thunder your ugliest thoughts
Let the lightning illuminate your way
Take paths not taken before
Be creative
Discover your gold
in the rubble
Know sorrow now
to know Joy tomorrow
TERAH RACHELLE VAN DUSEN 