It’s not me crying wolf this time
It’s me surrendering
Caving
Letting go
of the illusion
that True Love is
all shiny
and hot
and spicy
and perfect
Always love has been
just out of…
reach
Why?
Because it wasn’t real
Love is in the bed
I’ve made for myself
Love is in you
I get it now
This game of
musical chairs
is over
The spinning
bottle has
landed on you
And you look just
like me,
I’m free
Tag: love
Like + Lust = List, Not Love
Does love not
teeter totter?
One day you
love him the
next you
do not
Let’s abolish
the word altogether
Reserve it for pets
and grandmothers
He and I decided
that lovers List
Like + Lust
We lovers do not
very well sustain
Love
We lust like hell
and we like enough
to stay together
We only love when
we are pathetic, which
isn’t often enough.
We only love when
you are looking.
Or that’s what
he did to me.
In school, I would
jump from my teeter
and watch the boy
totter down
I saw someone
else do it so
I did it too
I was the
meanest girl
on the playground
thinking boys were
play-things
Teeter
tottering
is such
a rush
and love
a fluke
No, I’m Good!
I am only
weeping,
screaming,
and calling
to humor you!
I do not despise
the world and
all those
within it.
I do not fear
that insanity
is upon me,
not really.
I do not pace
my space and
tug at my hair
for fear that I
will never again
be rightfully loved.
I did not go from
over-the-moon
to bottom-of-the-sea
all because of three
little words you never
said to me.
Your absence did not
tail-spin me into isolation,
fear, and fool.
I am perfectly capable
and hopeful!
You had nothing
to do with my head
ballooning to the sky
and getting gnarled in the trees.
You are not the reason
I see Lucifer in the face
of all those around me.
You did not tap a place
inside of me that only
knows rage and sadness.
You did not remind
me of how little I am
loved, of how unlovable
I am.
You did not!
The Time, Mother
The time you changed your name from Darlene to Brenda
The time you gave me a blonde baby doll and told me I had a brother on the way
The time you tied a friendship bracelet on my wrist and said now I’ll always be with you
The time we stopped to pick a rose on the shoulder of the highway…and it came with a bee
The time you made long, dangling hippie earrings–for a living
The time my room flooded and you cried because you felt bad
The time you bought ten hamburgers from McDonald’s and for the first time we all got full
The time we looked at a house we couldn’t afford and we all picked out bedrooms anyway
The time you took me to the Bayshore Mall and bought me an eggshell-colored Easter dress
The time you put barrettes in my hair (I don’t remember it but I saw the pictures)
The time you sang You Are My Sunshine to Cloud and I looked out the window and held back tears
The time you volunteered at my school library and I was embarrassed because of your short, slutty shorts
The time you lit a cigarette, looked at me and said don’t ever do this
The time I stole 2 cigarettes from you and you never found out
The time I realized our hands and fingernails look exactly alike
8:05 p.m. the time you gave birth to me, far too young
The time you failed to meet the expectations of your adopted mother
The time I knew exactly how it felt
The time your dad died and if you hadn’t already lost all hope, you really did then
The time you tried to wriggle your way into societies mold but it just didn’t work
The time you introduced yourself as Moonbeam and it all made sense to me
The time you socked my dad through the pick-up truck window
The time we left you in the dust
All the times you left me in the dust
The time you cried and said you’re sorry
The other time you cried and said you’re sorry
The many other times you cried and said you’re sorry
The time you googled me everyday for five years but never called or emailed
The time you said I’m so proud of you and in my mind I said for fucking what?
The time you said Enough already! and I said Okay
I Want To Be
I want to be forgiven
for what I’m about to do
to you
catch and release
you’ll be guy number five
I’ll be your girl number two
your first
your last
your mystery
I want to be whipped
into shape
taught a lesson
fondled and driven
to madness
wined and dined
I said wined and dined
I said wined and dined
I said tell me
to put on a dress
I said ask me
to take down my hair
I said
I want to be whipped
into shape
I want to be tamed
lead me
guide me
I want a man
I’ve never seen a man
I’ve rarely seen a man
I thought I saw a man once
but he walked into the day
and by night he was all gone away
I saw a man once
who had It
I saw a man who
could tame me
but he didn’t want a thing
to do with this woman
with this body
with this piece of work
right here
I want to be forgiven
I want to be whipped
I want to be tamed
I want to be a girl
who is chased
but women like me
are so bold
so brass
women like me are
more of a man
than you’ll ever be
chew on that
and when
you’re a man
come back to me
cause I want to be
whipped
hard
I want to be tamed
and pregnant
I want to be
forgiven
Secrets of the Moon
The scent of the river
emerges in spring and
at night like moon flowers,
evening primrose and the
married-mans thoughts of me
do
Things and people afraid of
the day, afraid of the
light cast upon their flaws
tip-toe to me and whisper
their wildest
desires
Johns and Janets and Williams
all point fingers, tease and mock
but their hidden agendas are far worse
than those of the prisoners
I laugh with the crescent moon
Smile with the dew
and dream, day and night
of this tortured life,
of me,
and
of you
Poems by a Horny Small-Town Gal is Free Today!
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Spirit Reigns
My Spirit is wild for love
It knows what it likes within seconds
There is the body
There is the mind
And then there is the Spirit
Spirit reigns
Hello Goodbye
Vanished
You did
Into the day
When by night
I arise
You are gone
A man who cared
would have said goodbye
Or would he?
Walking With Our Love Woes
We all have our love woes
They come in their own unique
shapes and sizes
Often lopsided
Old married couples have big love woes that
make for strong foundations
Things to fall back on
Like joint accounts
and children
Things that make people say ‘oh what the hell’
and stay
Young couples have little
love woes that they pick at until
they bleed
and when they dry they
pick at them again
I let you guess which love woe
I have
I’m walking with my love woes
who put this day in winter?
We bundle up, our faces sadder than ever
and everyone I see
is walking alone
TERAH RACHELLE VAN DUSEN 